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    1. 第二届海外文轩文学奖的命题以及一等奖的作品

       2018海外文轩文学奖给太仓沙溪高级中学的作文题

      谁言寸草心,报得三春晖 (孟郊)

      羊羔跪乳乌鸦反哺 (古训《增广贤文》)原文是“羊有跪乳之恩,鸦有反哺之义”

      Make it a habit to tell people thank you. To express your appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return. Truly appreciate those around you, and you'll soon find many others around you. Truly appreciate life, and you'll find that you have more of it…… Ralph Marston

       

      (中文译文:养成习惯说谢谢,真诚地、不要求回报地表达你的感恩,感谢你身边的每一个人,很快你就会发现你被人环绕,真心地感恩生活,你就会发现你拥有很多。 (冉夫.马斯顿)

       

      请从古训、古诗和名言引申开去,以感恩为主题,写一篇不少于800字,不超过一千五百字的作文。(可以是对家人、朋友,或者帮助过自己的人,心怀感恩和回馈之心)。

       

      要求:①立意和标题自定;②角度自??;③除诗歌、小说外,文体自选。

       

      出这样的题目主要是想到如今的新一代很多都是在父母家长的呵护下长大的,生活条件优越,生长环境良好,独生子女们却往往养成自我中心的习性,不知道感恩图报,不知道反馈父母和社会,所以,我们希望能借此让孩子们从小学会感恩,学会滴水之恩、涌泉相报......

                   

      一等奖将只设有一名,奖金1000元,二等奖有两名,奖金分别600元,三等奖三名,奖金分别是300元,鼓励奖10到15名,奖金一百元。全部得奖者都会有海外文轩颁发的奖状。

       

      一等奖的作品:

      奶奶,再爱我一次

      江苏省沙溪高级中学高三(9)班 朱心瑜

       

      我只想抓住流年,好好地跟她说声再见,好好地谢谢她的爱……

      子夜,被蚊虫噬咬惊起,周身环绕着劣质蚊香的味道,午夜的寒冷因亢奋的燥热未贴及皮肤就已散去,灯影绰绰中是她佝偻的身躯挥舞着蒲扇驱赶蚊子的黑影。

      她总是那么晚才回来,她晚间在队里的队长家帮忙带孩子,等到孩子终于不哭不闹,酣然入睡时,等到村间的小路上只有几条瘦削的土狗子时,才能望到她拖着弯曲的背,照着一个小电筒,缓缓地朝家走来。

       屋里只点了一盏晦暗的小油灯,豆大的光晕,荧光似的。她替我将恼人的蚊子驱走,又替我将踢走的被子裹上。然后慢慢地坐到那张掉了漆的古红色方背椅,身旁的灯忽亮忽暗,她手里的针却灵活地穿插过细密的绸布。我总会盯着那晦暗的小油灯,随着它不定的火苗,无声地入睡……

       我有时会在她粗粝的手中醒来,她总会像对婴儿那般抚拍我的后背,那双手轻柔却不乏力。但更多的清晨,我总会在去学校的小路上看到她在一旁的稻田里耕种的佝偻身影,她的胸脯啊,弯垂的都快要到肚子上了。

       那时无忧的孩子啊,哪里懂得什么是感恩呢。是不是每当在学校得到老师的嘉奖,那朵小小的红花,就是对她夜里独行的身影的感恩;是不是每天能多吃几口饭,长得白白胖胖了,就是对她清晨田间的身影的感恩……

       爸爸妈妈来接走我时,我已不太能记得她的神情了,哭了吗,不舍吗,我只记得那像沙磨纸般干粝,像酱油般黝黑的手,一遍一遍地抚过我的头发。记忆中,那天的羊角辫,扎了很久。那双手,又把一个我从未有过的手工刺绣钱包紧紧地包在了我双手中。玫红的丝绸上绣着粉色的荷花,卡口夹与侧面定型的圆弧状金属皆是灼目的黄铜,与她的手一样温暖。

       外面的大世界吸引着孩子,我渐渐失去了与她的联系,妈妈给我买了另外的钱包,还是皮的。那个她日日夜夜穿针引线,呕心沥血而成的绣包早已被我随手丢弃到了废品盒里。随之而去的,还有那间昏暗的小房间。

       可时间也会失误和出现意外,并因此迸裂,在某个房间里留下永恒的片段。

       我知道她离去的讯息后,并没有哭泣,竟想着要去把那个黄铜荷花的绣包找出来。玫红的丝绸依旧艳丽,我抚过那浅粉的荷花,感受着她在那昏暗的小油灯下,那粗粝温暖的手的痕迹。

       后来,我把那绣包作为我唯一的钱包,在外面游玩时,我的同学看到那过时的绣包,总会充满疑惑的问我,这都几十年前的东西了,你怎么会喜欢呢?我怎么会不喜欢呢,那上面满满的是她的爱啊,满满的是她手心的温暖啊。

       那绣包现在已经没有在我的书包里了,前年学校组织去福利院探望老人,一位老人对我的绣包赞不绝口,爱不释手,我便将之赠与了她??稍?,它陪伴了我这么多年,现在不在我身旁了,却并不感到难过。大概,我是以一颗对她从未来得及表露的感恩之心去将那只充斥着她无声的爱的绣包,赠与一位萍水相逢的老人的吧。

       我以回忆的形式来怀念她的爱,我以文字的形式来感恩她的爱。不愿“子欲养而亲不待”。只愿远行人都看到最美的风景,归来者终等到最暖的灯火。

       

                                                            指导老师:王江艳

                                                           2018/9/19

       






      关令尹 (2019-03-10 09:22:16)
      面对此情此景,不由让人想起了首届获奖作品。毛病依旧多如蚊虫,仅例举若干肥硕可观者——

      首先是文法。
      “午夜的寒冷因亢奋的燥热未贴及皮肤就已散去”,这句话是什么意思?“未贴及皮肤”的到底是什么?是“午夜的寒冷”,还是“亢奋的燥热”?如果是前者,为免歧义,句子显然应该改作:“因为亢奋的燥热,午夜的寒冷尚未贴及皮肤就已散去?!?br/>
      再是标点。
      “她总是那么晚才回来,她晚间在队里的队长家帮忙带孩子,等到孩子终于不哭不闹,酣然入睡时,等到村间的小路上只有几条瘦削的土狗子时,才能望到她拖着弯曲的背,照着一个小电筒,缓缓地朝家走来?!?br/>前两句的主语是“她”即奶奶,而后却突然被调包了,变成了一个神秘的旁观者。按照句意层次,前两个逗号应该换成句号。

      然后是自相矛盾的文意。
      “我有时会在她粗粝的手中醒来,她总会像对婴儿那般抚拍我的后背,那双手轻柔却不乏力?!?br/>同一双手可以同时既是“粗粝”的,又是“轻柔”的,既是“轻柔”的,又是“不乏力”的,此真乃仙手佛手也。呜呼!言“轻”则可矣,何必画蛇添足地加一“柔”字?又何必再加劳什子的“却不乏力”?

      当然,最令人头大还是那一大群贯穿全文的,铺天盖地的,有如夏夜之蚊的形容词和副词?!暗摹薄暗亍币欢?,句子就不可避免地变得繁复冗长。任何一个受过中学语文教育的人都应该清楚:长句擅于论理而不擅抒情,写抒情散文者当尽量避免使用。好吧,也许这并不是一个技巧问题。也许作者本就没多少情可抒,为赋新词而强抒情,为拿奖金而强感恩。好吧,勉强求诚非善缘,好吧好吧,长句也就长句了罢……










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