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    1. 此心安处 是吾故乡

                记得我在改编我的长篇小说《归去来兮》为剧本的时候,合作的导演曾经问我:“海云,为什么这个世界除了犹太人就是我们中国人总是处在一种颠沛流离中,从一个地方迁移到另一个地方,从乡村到城市,从小城市到大城市,从中国到外国...... 导演的问话引起我思考,确实,犹太人是被逼的!我们中国人在战乱时的迁移也是出于无奈,可今天很多时候并不是被逼迫的。比如八十年代的留学潮,我们这一批五、六十年代出生的人,随着留学潮到了中国之外的土地上,又渐渐在异乡定居了下来,很多人都自称当年在中国生活并不差,或是为了扩展眼界,或是为了追求知识的深化等等,我们义无反顾地走出了国门。

                 我不知道有多少人后悔当年年轻气盛时做的这个决定?我,却从来没后悔过!

                  使在美国生活的年月超过了我在中国生活的时间,中国生活的岁月却像一个深深的烙印刻在我的心上。中国,生我养我的那块土地,我的诞生、童年以及青春期都在那里,可以说中国的一切流淌在我的血液里,因此在我人到中年拿起笔书写人生的时,流淌在笔端源源不绝的是与中国相关的东西,即便语言,在经过几篇英文写作之后,我毅然回到母语,因为那是最能表达自如和运用自如的方式。

                  十年前,我在硅谷工作,也许是人到中年,太多想说的感受积攒在心间,一个机缘,看到征稿启事,发了一篇中文的随笔,我的作品很快被杂志登了出来,激发了我从小就有的文学梦,随笔散文不能完全容纳我的文学梦的热情,我开始写小说。

                  随之,我的第一篇短篇小说《出轨的中年女人》应运而生,还记得在写这篇小说时,我还处在中西文化的交锋当中,会自然地用两种语言来表达,华裔女主角的中文,美国男主角的英文对话就那样出现在我的小说里,好在当时是在美国的一个叫文学城的网站里发文,网站的大部分读者都双语,没有人说看不懂英文。直到有一天一位主编通知我这篇小说要被收录在一个短篇小说集在中国出版,我才坐下来,把文中大约百分之四十的英文翻译成了中文。

                  这个短篇小说在国外的几个网站广为流传,很多读者告诉我他们从中找到他们婚姻中的影子。我自己,却因为篇幅的限制觉得意犹未尽,于是开笔写了我的第一部长篇小说《冰雹》,小说依然是硅谷的背景,不过这次,男女主人翁都是中国人,虽然其中带着很多我在硅谷生活工作印迹,却实实在在是两种文化的交汇融合的结晶。这时我的小说几乎完全回归了中文母语,不用英文我也觉得很自然了,即便里面引用一写英文的原文,我也都同时翻译出中文的意思。这部长篇在北美的几个网站引发跟读潮,在华人中引起对婚姻价值的讨论,也为我赢得了不少荣誉,更让我对自己的写作有了信心。但是这个时期我的文字还是比较西化的。比如婚姻出了问题之后,小说里出现的婚姻咨询,这在中国人中并不多见。

                  《冰雹》之后,我开笔写长篇小说《放手》,已开始思考中国文化对我们这些移居海外的第一代移民的影响,无论是从小的个性塑造、思维方式还是后来的婚姻家庭,正如弗洛伊德所说:童年或者说少年时代的阅历构成一个人生命情结的本源,构成一个核心的意像。此后人的一生中,这个人的精神永远在追寻童年种下的梦幻,或者在寻找少年丢失了的东西。

                  我另一部长篇小说《归去来兮》(这是我的硅谷三部曲),的是我们这一代留洋学人,在美国梦实现之后,海归中国,家庭受到来来回回大洋两岸奔波的冲击,也就是我这篇文章开头提到的导演对我的小说传达的信息的一种反问。

                  这种反问令本人震撼,是??!人类似乎总是很难满足,我们中国人总有所追求,有了一个目标,好不容易达成了,来不及高兴随即又有了另一个目标,又走在为下一个目标达成的道路上。也许,是中华民族不断强盛发达的好的民族特性,可是从另外一个角度来看,似乎也是中华民族劳碌不停动荡不安的性格主因。

                  流传很广的一则故事,说的是一个富有的中国人在欧美小镇旅游时看到一个卖唱的年轻人,好心地过去对年轻人说如果他愿意,中国人可以让这个年轻人到中国开音乐会赚大钱出大名,年轻人不解地反问:他为什么要远离自己的故乡,跑到那么远的地方去?他觉得自己很幸福,可以做自己想做的音乐,还可以与自己的亲人在一起生活在家乡......

                  这个故事反应出两种价值观和人生观,也从一个侧面反映出我们中国人的不满足感,我们总喜欢追求更大更好更多的东西,当然,这也不仅仅是中国人的特性,应该说很多人都有这个特性,也算是人类的特性之一吧!

                  而文学是人学,是我们用语言文字来表达描述人性极致的艺术。写出这种不同,不仅需要彻底了解人性,还需要我们了解这两种文化的不同。文化土壤的相异,产生出不同的生活的方式和思维模式。作为作家,我们也许并不需要评判对错,而是呈现给读者一种深入的、生动的、透彻的描述,让读者从中自己评判,自己根据自身的经历得出自己的结论。

                  也许也是对人性深入的探底,我开始写另一部长篇小说《金陵公子》,也算是我对自己根文化的彻底回归,虽说这本书写的是我父母那一辈,可是从上个世纪三十年代到今天这段中国大环境的不断改变的探问,让我更加深刻地了解中国人这种颠沛流离”的无奈和有心且命里注定的追寻。

                  完成了在文学上对中国文化的彻底回归之后,我又开始写了《秋风落叶》《遗嘱》这样的中短篇小说,似乎又回到美国背景华人主角这样的题材,尤其是在写《遗嘱》这篇小说时,我越来越深切地体会到两种文化冲突下人性的彰显,这篇小说说的是一个华尔街精英,父亲去世把身后的遗产全部留给了保姆,引发精英儿子与中国保姆的一场遗产争夺官司。小说更进一步揭示中国人对子女的教育和期望与现实和时代存在着的差异和裂痕。

                  这十年文学创作的亲身感受:除了童年和母国对作者的无以伦比的巨大的影响,我们还会受到身处的环境的影响,对我来说我工作过的硅谷和生活过的美国东西两岸,都在我的作品中一一呈现,而我所受过的中国和美国的中西教育文化的影响,也会毫无遗漏在我的文字里。

                  从故乡来到异乡,我们会情不自禁地频频回首,抒发乡愁,但是,对于一个好的作者,不能只停留在乡愁上,对人性的最深刻的解读和描述,一定会使得她或他跨越对的框框,超越故乡和异乡的地域禁锢,在多种文化中经历冲突达到真正的融合,才能写出触动人心跨越国界的人学(文学)作品。

                  让我用苏子的这句话来结束:此心安处,是吾故乡!

      (收录在《中国女性文化》一书中)

                 






      杏子花开 (2018-12-13 11:18:03)
      对选择无悔就是幸福的!










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